Another Year Your Gone...

Today I make another tribute to my mom.....

Today is Thanksgiving and most people are being Thankful for everything around them as well as me. However there is one thing that I am missing and am thankful that that she was in my life at one time, My mom. Two years ago today, November 26, 2007, she passed away.

This is a tribute to my mom. There are so many songs out there that remind me of her day to day. Music has helped me through this pain and as well as all of mygreat friends that are in my life. I thank the song writers out there who let their music be heard even if it is about a painful experience.

Sometimes a song can touch a nerve

That takes me back to you

When I pick up my old guitar

And I play your favorite tune

Every now and then,

some little thingI've buried comes bubblin' up

And once in a while, you feel close enough to touch
I miss you a little since you've been gone

A few little memories keep hangin' on

I miss you a little, I guess you could say

A little too much, a little too often

A little more every day

-----John Michael Montgomery: I Miss You a Little

Walking down a hall that day, it felt like there was nothing around me, I was numb, walking on air. I couldn't see the walls or doors passing by. I wanted to run and never stop. That was the day you were gone. The ride home seemed to last forever. And then I was home, back in your house. It was empty, an abandoned feeling lingered. To know the truth of what had happened here just a few days back sent a sharp pain through my body that I will never forget.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you. Some days are better than others and then there are days that feel like I can't go on. I remember how strong you were and asked how this happened to you of all people. It seemed as though you were the strongest person I knew. The day you passed, two years ago today, was the first day that I realized that life is not fair and life has a way of knocking you down when you least expect it.

Life ain't always beautiful

Sometimes it's just plain hard

Life can knock you down, it can break your heart
Life ain't always beautiful

You think you're on your way

And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day
But the struggle makes you stronger

And the changes make you wise

And happiness has it's own way of takin' it sweet time
No,life aint always beautiful

Tears will fall sometimes

Life aint always beautiful

But it's a beautiful ride
Life aint always beautiful

Some days I miss your smile

I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles
And I wish for just one minute

I could see your pretty face

Guess I can dream, but life dont work that way

-----Gary Allen: Life Ain't Always Beautiful

When I think of the days when you were here it makes me cry, because I miss your hugs, because I miss your voice, because I miss everything about you, but because most of all, you'll never be here again. Then I start to think about the days that you were never supposed to miss...the boys' birthdays, my birthday, the holidays, my wedding day and I know your looking down on us, watching all of these events as theytake place but its not the same. And its funny that when it rains I think of you more because your tears are falling down.

Well my little girl is 23,

I walk her down the aisle.

It's a shame her Mom can't be here now,To see her lovely smile.

They throw the rice, I catch her eye,

As the rain starts coming down.

She takes my hand; says: "Daddy don't be sad,'

Cos I know Mama's watching now."
"And there's holes in the floor of Heaven"

And her tears are pouring down."

That's how you know she's watching,"Wishing she could be here now."

An' sometimes when I'm lonely,"

I just remember she can see.

"Yes, there's holes in the floor of Heaven,"And she's watching over you and me."

-----Steve Wariner: Holes in the Floor of Heaven

I know everything happens for a reason and I have my own theories of why this happened...why this happened to you. They say what doesn't kill you makes you strongerand believe me there are days when this almost kills me but I know that I am getting stronger and as more days pass they say it gets easier. I would like to know when this will happen but time heals all or at least helps to heal. I wish I could go forward in time to see if its true but then I wish I could go back to see you one more time.

Last Night I had a crazy dream Wish was granted just for me,

It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu

I simply wished for one more day with you
One more day,

One more time One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again; I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

-----Diamond Rio: One More Day

I thank everyone who has been there for me at that time and through the years. I know without some people I would not be here today and I thank them and words will neverexplain how gratful I am to them.

Sitting with Mama, alone in her bedroom

She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand

She said, I have to go now, my time here is over

And with her final words she tried to help me understand

Mama whispered softly, time will ease your pain

Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same
And she said, how can I help you to say goodbye

It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry

Come let me hold you, and I will try

How can I help you to say goodbye

-----Patty Loveless: How Can I Help You to Say Good Bye

And I again say that you were the strongest person I had ever known. How did this happen? But no matter what I will always wonder how it would be if you were here.Where would I be? Would I be as strong as I am now?

Sunny days seem to hurt the most

Wear the pain like a heavy coat

I feel you everywhere I go

I see your smile, I see your face

I hear you laughing in the rain

Still can't believe you're gone
It ain't fair you died too young

Like a story that had just begun

The death tore the pages all away

God knows how I miss you

All the hell that I've been through

Just knowing no one could take your place

Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today
Sunny days seem to hurt the most

I wear the pain like a heavy coat

The only thing that gives me hope

Is I know I'll see you again someday

-----Kenny Chesney: Who You'd Be Today

There are time when I can feel her around me. I know she's watching, helping me to be a stronger person. And some may think I'm crazy for saying that but somethings are too coinsidental. I will be in my own world thinking about things and Holes in the Floor of Heaven will play on a radio and thats the song I associatemost with her. Its not a song that is played often anymore. Other times just little things happen and I know it her telling me, "its ok" and "I'm here" She is makingme a better stronger person still just like she did when she was alive. She was the greatest woman in my life.

Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then
Against the windWe were runnin' against the wind

We were young and strong, we were runnin'Against the wind
The years rolled slowly past

And I found myself aloneSurrounded by strangers I thought were my friends

I found myself further and further from my home

And I guess I lost my way

There were oh so many roads

I was living to run and running to live

Never worryied about paying or even how much I owed

Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time

Breaking all of the rules that would bend

I began to find myself searchingSearching for shelter again and again
Against the wind

A little something against the wind

I found myself seeking shelter sgainst the wind
Well those drifter's days are past me now

I've got so much more to think about

Deadlines and commitments

What to leave in, what to leave out
Against the wind

I'm still runnin' against the wind

I'm older now but still runnin' against the wind

Well I'm older now and still runnin'

Against the wind

-----Bob Segar: Against the Wind

Remember your mom always! She is the only one that you will ever have. And no one can take her place! I Love you MOM!

September 9, 1965 she was born...

Ok so it’s been a while since I have updated my blog, my life has been very hectic since my last post. As some of you may know my mom, Pam, passed away last November. Times have been really hard since that traumatizing day. I want to start a tribute to my mom and so I am going to have a memorial for her on this page. I hope you all will leave a comment and share anything you remember about her. She will keep on living in all the hearts of the people she has touched.
On September 9, 1965, she was born. And on Tuesday September 9, 2008 she would have been 43. She was the best person around.

Pam Bowden
9/9/1965 – 11/26/2007
To me these dates mean nothing. It does not show her life she lived but two days one filled with joy and one filled with sadness. The Dash is the most important part of that line because it shows her life.
The Dash
copyright 1996 Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth...
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars....the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard...
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash...
would you be proud of the things they
say about how you spend your dash?

My mom died at the young age of 42, she had one daughter, me, and two wonderfully rotten grandchildren, Johnathan and Wyliam. There were also many other people in her life that were so important. Far too many to mention. My mom made mistakes in her life but she was the kindest hearted woman on earth, she would help anyone with anything. I want to keep her memory living on and hope the people that were around her will teach my children the things that my mom would have.
On Tuesday I was hoping to make her live on just a little more by tattooing the same tattoo she had on my body. This would be something I would treasure forever because it would be a piece of her on me forever. Unfortunelty because of the timing I am unable to get this, I wanted to get it on the special day anniversary that she was brought onto this earth, her Birthday. But very soon you will see that piece of her on me.

Everyone I know misses her too much. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. There are even some days where it still hits me that I can’t just call her and it sucks. My youngest son just got potty trained and all I want to do is call her and tell her. My oldest son got sent to the principal’s office in kindergarten and all I want to do is call her and tell her and ask her what to do. I miss just being able to talk to her. She was amazing she knew the answers to everything.
I know that she is safe is now and has not a worry in the world which was a problem for her, to this day I feel that what she did was an accident she regretted every part of it and that is why she agreed to a liver transplant, and on a good note no one else was hurt the days she needed it so everyone else was blessed that day, unfortunelty we were not blessed. I have never wanted something bad to happen to someone so much just so that my mom could live on.
So to everyone who took the time to read this, Thank you.
Please leave a special note about her to commemorate her. She was so special and we miss her so much.

CC110 Drawing

Ok so here are some of the drawings I did during my drawing course at AIO---Let me know what you think!

Not for the Weak at Heart

The Accident!

As alot of you know Wyliam had an accident on August 8, we were busy with a day of shopping and he was riding in a cart as most young children his age do. He unfortunetly tipped with the shopping cart and was injured! His hand was smashed between the pavement and the cart, fracturing his ring finger and cutting it to the bone! I was horrified and so upset. We had to be transported by ambulance because I was hysterical!

Anyway to make a long story short he had five stitches and until now has been seeing a theripist to help get movement back into his finger. The results are in he has a 60 degree range of motion willingly and 90 degree range of motion forcefully. (typical range is 105 degree) He has alot of scar tissue still present but that will chemically go away in six months in turn he could get worse after that or even return to completely normal. So in six months we will be visiting the Great Kirsten and Dr. Jones! Much Thanks to each of these people as they have worked hard with my little milker!!!

And also a BIG Thanks to Gramma Leota----(Jared's gramma) She came to our well... MY rescue at the time of the accident not really even knowing me only meeting me once before. If it wasn't for her I would have gone insane!!!

Thanks to Ryan and Laura too who helped change the dressing on his finger when I couldn't---You guys are great friends and could never be replaced.

So heres a pic of the finger after being stitched---don't look if your squemish!!!

The Ozarks

WOW "REAL" Mountains!

These are the Ozark Mountains. Go ahead and ask why I am so excited about Mountains. I have been in the Smoky Mountains when I was a baby but never have really seen any other mountains so I was excited! I know I am pathetic!!! But here they are, the bottom picture we were actually on this look out tower which might I add was very scary!

Not only did I see Mountains but I saw the Buffalo River which runs through the Ozarks. This river was also beautiful---and the water was so clear.

And although the week was sucky for me it ended all nicely. I had the flu while I was in Missouri so didn't want to venture out much, I layed in bed and rested which is all I could do. Wednesday night we headed to Arkansas and I felt somewhat better. But Thursday I felt alot better and thats when we did all this sightseeing. Jared is well known for eating at weird places that no one has ever heard of. I am not much of this kind of person because I am a picky eater to say the least. But because I was a little outgoing I went to this little cafe up in the Ozarks in a tiny town. It was called the Ozark Cafe. It was so cool inside---it was filled with old pictures and newspaper articles---things of the past. So if you ever go in the Ozarks definitley eat there! I will admit I didn't go far outside my box I went with Cheesy Bacon Fries!

St. Louis

Did you know St Louis is two hours away from me now?

Little did I know that I lived so close to St Louis now. Jared got sent away for yet another site visit but this time I got to go with! We were on our way to Springfield, Mo and a little town in Arkansas. I was just excited to be going to the hometown of one of my favorite Scrapbook Designer Elsie Flannagin---We went through St Louis to get there and I finally saw the Arch we didn't stop cause we wanted to get to the hotel but I saw it, Jared wants to take me in the top of the Arch but I dunno about that! Anyway here are some pictures of the arch on the way there it was cloudy and rainy so the picture isnt the greatest and the other is on the way back through St. Louis at the Busch Stadium.

To my Sis!

So Rissa has been dying for these pics since umm like her birthday or something like that. Well really she just wants them for her birthday present that I gave her without pictures! Anyway I think they turned out good considering our photographer---Jared!